I was in my mid-thirties when I experienced a faith crisis, and it terrified me. My husband and I were busy in ministry. We were at the church every time the doors were open, yet there was this void inside of me. I knew that somehow, in my eagerness to serve the Lord, I had lost something precious. I couldn’t remember the last time my faith excited me. I couldn’t remember the last time love motivated me instead of duty, and I didn’t know who to talk to about it or how to change it.
Is a Church Leader Allowed to have a Crisis of Faith?
I started to pray despite not feeling it. I banked everything on Hebrews 11:6, the Lord rewards those who earnestly seek Him. I staked my future on the trustworthiness of the Word because if God didn’t move in my heart, I didn’t know what I would do.
I prayed with straightforward, honest, and fervent words. There was nothing beautiful about those wretched cries that welled from the deepest places of my soul. I was far from God, and I had no idea how I arrived in that spot when every waking moment had been devoted to ministry. I repented, but it didn’t bring a rush of desire or joy. So I opened the Word. It was time to grow up and stop letting my emotions direct my relationship with God. It was time to put in the work and seek the Lord believing that He could be found. It was time to cut things I enjoyed from my schedule to make room for the things I needed, to stop aimlessly running, and instead, chase the disciplines that would earn the prize that mattered.
Chase What Matters
I believe that we can teach stubborn hearts through the discipline of seeking God to remain focused on Him. We can live as if we believe God when He calls us his child, chosen, holy, and redeemed. We can learn to live by the power of God rather than by our fledging strength and become so overwhelmed by God and the great length to which He has gone to save us that it changes everything in life.
We all chase something. It might be a degree, career, or academic recognition. It might be a spouse, a family, a cultural perception of success, or the approval of man. But not everything we chase is worthy of the pursuit. It’s time to step up and chase holiness.
*Chasing Holiness is the premise for Stacey’s next non-fiction book. It is scheduled for release in Fall 2020 through Write Integrity Press.
Read about her book Glorious Surrender
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