by Bethany Lethbrdige
Do you ever struggle with doubt? Doubt in your ability to do that which has been set before you? I do. There have been seasons in my life where doubt has crippled and almost consumed me but, thankfully, doubt doesn’t disqualify us from leadership.
After graduating from teacher’s college, I taught for four years at an international school in Kuwait. Though I cherish those years and am grateful for the opportunity and experiences I had, my time there was not without its own unique challenges. My third year in particular was a very difficult one. I thank the Lord for helping me through that year because, without Him, I wouldn’t have made it through. For a long time I doubted myself and my ability to teach. That experience left me scarred and bruised and I didn’t know if I would ever teach again. I didn’t really want to. God, however, works in mysterious and miraculous ways. I am now employed as a supply teacher for the school board in the city where I live and I have really enjoyed my experiences thus far.
Experiencing doubt doesn’t exactly seem like a blessing. For me, it used to conjure up feelings of darkness and despair. However, I have come to realize that it is, in fact, a blessing from the Lord. When we doubt ourselves and our abilities, we are able to see our own limitations and recognize our need for God. Doubt helps shift our perspective in a healthy way. Through it, we are reminded that we can do nothing apart from God. We NEED Him and His strength because it is only though Him that we are able. Doubt helps us remember that it is not about us, but rather it is about God working in us and through us.
I am reminded of the passage from Matthew 14:29-31 where Peter, when he took his eyes and focus off the Lord, experienced doubt:
Then Peter got out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” He said, “why did you doubt?”
Are you experiencing doubt in yourself and your ability to do what God has called you to? That is a good thing! It takes our focus off of ourselves and places it onto God. It is only through Him that we are more than conquerors. Doubt does not disqualify us from leadership, it helps direct us to the One who is calling us, and He is faithful and will see us through.