I’m Not Invisible

Written by Heidi McLaughlin

It was 6:30 pm on New Years Eve 1994 when my daughter Michelle and I bundled up and went for a brisk neighbourhood walk. I had just buried my first husband Dick and my heart was shattered. Even with my daughter walking beside me, I felt desperately alone and abandoned. I’d been a Christian for 16 years and believed my confidence and self-esteem were wrapped up in who I was in Christ.

But I was wrong.

I didn't realize that when Dick died suddenly on December 8th my image was wrapped up in being his corporate wife, mother of two beautiful children, and a thriving career. Yes, I knew I was a daughter of my Heavenly Father, redeemed from my sin, and I truly lived trying to honour Christ in everything I did. But I realized this was all head knowledge and now I felt absolutely lost and invisible. Who was I? Who did I belong to?

What was the point of anything?

Terrified and lonely I looked up at the big dark sky. The blackness of the night illuminated the brilliance and magnificence of the stars. I kept walking and looking up and was mesmerized by the beauty and its vastness, but it made me feel even smaller and insignificant. God you are so big and far away. How do you keep it all in place? With all that you govern, how do you even know about my pain and suffering?

Help me Lord.

Then I remembered a Bible verse that impacted me profoundly. I’d read it over many times and in that moment it came back to me with clarity. “Lift your eyes to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of His great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.”
(Isaiah 40:26)

That promise became a pivotal point in my life, transporting me from feeling invisible to being known. I’d no idea what my future held or how I would heal from my grief, but I knew this: I was not alone. I was not invisible. If God knew the name of each star, He knew my name. It was His power and strength that took care of them, and that same power would look after me. If He helped each star find its way, He would help me find my way. That cold lonely winter night was the starting point for me discovering who I truly was in Christ. And it’s a journey I will continue with each coming year.